Unexpected

Hey guys,

I'm in London now for study abroad and it's going really well. Lotta cool people on my floor, guys from Duke, one of my good friend's gf

I've been thinking about the past few years and all my time in college and it's just been the most unexpected series of events.

Not get into where I wanted for college, transfer to where I do wanna go, end up not really liking it but making good friends, doing well at squash, running a 4.0 at new school, dating girl for all of junior year, youngest brother passes away...

I didn't think about it that much over the summer because I was so buy interning but it's slowly hitting me that Max is gone. I'll find myself crying and repeating his name to myself. There's nothing to do but feel terrible about it. Even though I know it's not productive, I can't help myself and I think that's natural. I'm talking to a shrink weekly so I'm getting help for it but it's far and away the most devastating thing that's ever happened to me. The worst part is realizing that this isn't some temporary condition that will be resolved or cured after a certain amount of time. Thirty years from now, I'll look back on this and miss him as much as I do now. Even writing this makes me cry.

Then a few weeks ago my mom got a call from the New Haven police saying, "Is Sam your son?"

"Yes."

"Well, we found him lying face down in one of the most dangerous parts of New Haven."

He's alive and fine now but my mom told the story as she heard it and my heart just stopped. My absolute worst fear is that something happens to Sam. He's my best friend and to repeat any trauma like Max's passing would absolutely destroy me.

It's put a lot of stuff into perspective for me. I've always been focused on "making it": doing well in school, sports, work, whatever but all of that kind of pales in comparison to family and friends. So I'm trying to do a better job of staying in touch with friends, and taking care of my family.

I hope everyone's doing well. I wish you guys only the best.

Talk soon,
Ben